Say What? Since The Players In The Super Bowl Are Not Providing Any Smack Talk, We’ll Do It For Them.

FILE- In this Nov. 29, 2020, file photo, Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback Tom Brady (12) congratulates Kansas City Chiefs quarterback Patrick Mahomes (15) after their NFL football game in Tampa, Fla. The Super Bowl matchup features the most accomplished quarterback ever to play the game who is still thriving at age 43 in Brady against the young gun who is rewriting record books at age 25. (AP Photo/Jason Behnken, File)

While the quarantine-era Super Bowl Week rolls on from Tampa, the fans and media hope for someone to guarantee a victory – or just say (or do) something reckless.

It’s not happening just yet, so we’ll take a deeper look into exactly what a few NFL newsmakers are saying – between the lines of their stagnant quotes.

Buccaneers quarterback Tom Brady, talking retirement.

What he said: “I don’t know when that time will come, but I think I’ll know, and I’ll understand that I gave it everything I could. … I can never go at this game half-assed. I think I’ll know when it’s time. …  When I put it all out there and I feel like I can’t do that anymore and I can’t commit to the team in the way that the team needs me, then I think that’s probably time to walk away.”

What he meant: I’m pretty sure I’ll be better than just about every QB in the game when I turn 50. Have you seen this body? And the hair? Never better. All I need is for you to doubt me (pointing to his live and virtual audience). And you, and you, you and certainly you. I’m Tom Brady, you hear me? Never angry; just enjoying my best life.

Chiefs quarterback Patrick Mahomes, talking about Tom Brady.

What he said: “The way he’s able to dissect defenses before the snap is something that I truly admire. I’m trying to get to that level … As I continue in my career, I’m trying to do whatever I can to watch the tape on him because he’s doing it the right way, and you can tell by … the rings on his fingers.”

What he meant: He’s old. I mean, really old. Of course, he knows a lot; he’s seen a lot. Probably was scouting the Chiefs when we won Super Bowl IV in 1970. That doesn’t mean he’s better than I am. And the man can’t move; he’s a statue – always has been. I can run. I’m quick and can make every throw he can make. Rings? I need six more to tie him – and it’ll be down to five after Sunday.

And, what big-time media event would be complete without the incomparable Rob Gronkowski?

What he said: “I’m doing real well, man. Real well. Haven’t missed a practice, haven’t missed a game. … Overall on a general basis, this year has been very well for me in terms of my health.”

What he meant: Well, I played through basically a compound fracture in my leg, found a great way to avoid concussion detection – as you know, I’m a little different anyway – and jumped on a grenade to save Tom Brady’s life last week. I’m good.

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